The Mak Andam.

Lately, I've been bugged to find a mak andam (because apparently the best ones get booked first!) and since I've always had a nagging disturbing feeling about this Malay custom, I did a bit of research. By serendipity a friend posted a terribly fascinating article on the Malay custom of Potong Andam, with more details here.

In pre-Islamic times of the Malays, this ritual was carried out before the wedding to ascertain if the bride was a virgin, which consequently says something about the happiness and longevity of the marriage -- bccause virginity is important, even more than emotional maturity or financial stability.

I trawled through this fascinating Multiply site of a mak andam who posts reviews from her clients. Reading through dozens of reviews, it seems that some brides change their wedding date just to hire their preferred certain mak andam on their wedding day. This mak andam plays multiple roles -- being a wedding coordinator for the day (both in the professional and cultural sense since she ensures the adherence to traditional wedding protocol), make-up artist, on-the-spot counselor to give tips on wedding life, as well as a bridesmaid to make the bride calm, comfortable and wipe away her tears and sweat with on-hand tissues.

Because make-up makes you beautiful.

One phrase that repeatedly came up in the reviews is 'naikkan seri', literally 'bringing out radiance' (which has roots in making a bride look virginal/chaste just in case she really isn't, according to the potong andam rites of seeing which way her hair curls). It's interesting to see how 'seri'  has been discursively picked up when talking about making a bride beautiful, without realising its superstitious roots.

I can understand the part about making the wedding day the most important and historical day of the bride's life. I don't mean to be pessimistic, but it's just the first day of a long process that is marriage. Plus, with all the divorces happening left and right in Malay society (and top two reasons for divorce is money and drifting apart), it seems that this great emphasis on the bride's preparation for the wedding day (resulting in a drain in finances) is not helping.

Let's not forget the groom - he doesn't get anyone to give him tips on how to handle the wedding day. He, in the words of an observer, "has not been touched and suddenly looks 'surprisingly' dark and brown" in pictures taken with his shining bride. He's surely got all kinds of nerves thinking about how to execute the wedding contract smoothly, not tripping over the carpets, not calling the elders by the wrong names, etc. Someone give him a Pak Andam (who can sometimes be played by the husband of the Mak Andam)!

The ensuring of wedding protocol also serves to ensure that customs are passed down 'properly'. It also makes it harder to do things your own way, even if you feel that you have good reason to not follow adat. Nevermind that the mak andam is a lady hired to do all this, who is often not related to the bride or the family at all, you must listen to her (and also random religious men) to tell you what you can or cannot do on your wedding. It's so dangerous to use your mind.

I agree that outsourcing certain skills in society like how to succeed in marriage (among other things) is not a common thing. In fact, in one class last term we discussed the sexual initiation rituals among the Baganda people in Uganda. There are certain women in society that are considered to possess all the knowledge relating to sex or marriage and families send their daughters to learn from them. And if they come back not knowing enough, the specialists will have to answer for it!

I would personally prefer to have people with whom I have a meaningful relationship give me advice when I request it, rather than take it (unsolicited) from a total stranger, especially in personal issues like this. There are important people in my life with whom I would like to share an important day. Blind deference to authority is not that fun.

Eid ul-Fitr.

So it's Eid ul-Fitr, the first day of Shawal 1432. I just want to touch on how we celebrate it here, and why it's often mistaken for our New Year (which is the first day of Muharram), and why some Muslims should not get so pissy about this misunderstanding.

The following traditions may or may not have roots in Islam, Hindu, Arab or animistic culture. It's important to highlight that the Malays have a rich and varied heritage that expresses itself as a fluid culture. It's delusional to think that everything we do is 100% according to Muhammad the Prophet, but for some things, as long as it's not counter to anything in the Qur'an, in my opinion it should be seen as a valid expression of being different 'peoples and tribes' (49:13).

In the morning there is the Eid prayer and sermon. Muhammad encouraged everyone to attend -- that includes women -- but some families with a traditional gender division of labour tend to keep their women at home, cooking for the men of the family (because woman, domestic work is an act of worship!) to come back and eat breakfast together. Consequently, many Muslim girls grow up thinking that the Eid prayer is not important for them.

Some may go straight from the mosque to visit graves of deceased family members. They may offer prayers for the dead, but in my opinion, this is not useful because once God the most Merciful has passed judgment, no amount of prayers change it, because he has already expressed his ultimate mercy. In the same vein, each soul can only get credit for the work that s/he has done (6:164, 53:39), and no one can or may carry the burden of another (6:164).

Speaking of breakfast, Malays use the main ingredients of coconut and rice to make all kinds of yummy dishes. The ketupat and pulut classics: coconut leaves are woven into a small pillow- or onion-shaped bags, filled with rice, and boiled to create thick rice cakes.

3x3x1 inches square of ricey goodness

And with that comes an entire plethora of meat and seafood dishes cooked with coconut milk, desiccated coconut, chilli, vegetables, spices, etc. Each family has their own special dish (or more) for Eid.

Then we visit the houses of extended family members, beginning with the eldest and therefore the most important to respect. Once there, the host/hostess urges us to eat or taste cookies and/or food that they have cooked themselves -- this is more important that eating food cooked and given by someone else or bought from a store. This visiting goes on during the following three weekends (until Shawal is over) because 1) Malays have large families, and 2) if Ramadan is a month of fasting, ergo Shawal is a month of celebrating.

Money is given in small colourful envelopes to children and those who have not started working, or those married. Those who have started working are generally expected to start giving envelopes of money to those younger than them. So, the net number of envelope givers generally remain about the same, haha. This is also done by the Chinese during their New Year, so honestly I don't blame anyone for thinking that Eid is a New Year too.

Because the Arabic language is so flexible -- words have multiple meanings -- the phrase Eid ul-Fitr can be translated in several ways. One is 'Celebration of the Breaking of Fast' which directly translates into the standard Malay Eid greeting of 'Selamat Hari Raya'. Another is 'Return to the Original State', which refers to the pure(r) spiritual state one is in after fasting during Ramadhan. Is it this idea of this change of state or renewal that prompts Malays to getting brand new houses and clothes?

One thing that struck me when going to Geylang Serai (an area of Singapore historically full of Malays, and now full of Malay shops) is the enormous bazaar (that is rented out by Chinese businessmen, by the way) that sells among other things, curtains and cushion covers! Some Malays take the idea of renewal très seriously -- they carry out massive spring cleaning, change their curtains, cushions and even furniture! Spring cleaning is also done by the Chinese before they celebrate Chinese New Year.

Interestingly, as far as I can remember (that's to say, about 20 years or so), there has also been a variety show on the Malay channel on television, with local and regional singers, actors and comedians presenting song, dances and skits for the amusement of the Malays. Recently, it's been getting bigger, grander, and shinier (all those sequins!). This year though, they had a street concert on 30th July, just 2 days before the start of the fasting month of Ramadhan. They called it "Raya Gemilang" (lit. 'Shining (!) Celebration') and you can see a video of it below:

Suria, the organisers, says that the concert is to launch the decoration of the streets Geylang Serai with neon lights and posters with educational information about well-known Malay pioneers like businessmen, religious teachers, and poets (why they are on lamp posts and not in museums is another hot issue altogether). But a lot of people are thinking that celebrating Eid/Raya before Ramadhan has even started is pushing the envelope (haha!) a little too much.

We called it 'Raya Gemilang' but it's not for Raya - honest!

Finally, forgiveness is the main theme of Eid in Singapore. The classic greeting goes 'Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir dan Batin' (the hilariously literal translation being 'Happy Day of Celebration, Sorry Outwardly and Inwardly') with the second part referring to the sincere asking of forgiveness that is done by family members in the mornings, and before leaving other houses. Doing this at the end of the visit is convenient because if it gets too emotional, they can always pull away and get into their car. Ha!

When I was ten years old and carpooling with a schoolmate, a family friend of hers asked me,

"Do Malays really mean it when they say sorry during Hari Raya?"

Hey, you gotta take it as it is. Of course it's absurd to think that this is only done once a year, but for those who may not think about it at all, it's a start. So Muslims, don't get pissy about having Eid ul-Fitr being mistaken for a New Year celebration when your rituals are similar to Chinese New Year -- be forgiving.

And on that forgiving note, I'm sorry if the words in this blog have aggrieved any of my readers (you always have the option of clicking over to the next Blogger blog, heh) and ultimately, God is most Forgiving.