Mouthpainter shares story of love at first sight (Part 2)

This article was first published on AbleThrive. Read Part 1 here!

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One evening when they were working late in the office of their organisation, the Bandung Independent Living Centre, Indonesian mouthpainter Faisal Rusdi finally confessed his feelings to his childhood crush, Cucu Saidah. He had been keeping his feelings for his colleague and soon-to-be-wife to himself for 24 years.

When asked to describe what he loves most about his wife, he said candidly, “I liked her thick eyebrows. She is beautiful, very intelligent and she loves me.”

A year after dating, they decided to marry. But first, they had to break the news to their parents. “My mother and my family were surprised, overwhelmed and happy,” said Faisal, who is based in Bandung, Indonesia.

However, Cucu’s parents did not like the idea of them being together. “They tried to keep us apart, to the point of keeping her at home,” said Faisal. “I think they considered me severely disabled and unable to take care of myself.”

Through one of her brothers, Faisal tried to communicate to her parents. “My uncle and my family approached her family to ask for her hand many times but we were refused.”

Increasingly stressed and frustrated, Cucu grew distant from Faisal, who struggled to accept the reality of his situation. “But her love for me became stronger, and for me as well. We kept trying, and praying and consulting with many people,” he said.

Eventually, they decided to solemnise the marriage through a legal procedure that overrides the bride’s need for a wali, or guardian – the closest male relative – since her father was against the marriage. Finally, the religious court granted them a wali hakim, or a judicial guardian.

“We still invited her parents and family to the wedding, but not one of them attended. Only my extended family and our friends,” said Faisal.

Faisal and Cucu in traditional wedding outfits from Padang, West Sumatra, enter the accessible reception hall on their power wheelchairs during their wedding in Bandung.

After the wedding, the couple continued to reach out to Cucu’s family and their efforts eventually paid off. “Eight months later on Idul Fitri [a celebration after the fasting month of Ramadan], her parents started to accept us slowly,” he said.

Faisal and Cucu were married on 30th November, 2008 in Bandung. As his parents were originally from Padang, the couple chose to follow West Sumatran customs and traditions for their wedding. Naturally, since both Faisal and Cucu are electric wheelchair users, the event hall and wedding dais were designed to be as accessible as possible.

The wedding was just the start of a relationship with unique challenges, which widens the common but narrow conception that the daily work of marriage only involves two parties. For example, Faisal hires a regular caregiver. “The role of assistants/caregivers who help me in my activities is extremely important, and I do not deny it,” he said.

“An assistant [knows] the technical and ethical aspects of accompanying a person with disabilities. He is a good friend who understands me well, and is part of my life. The presence of an assistant completes my independence.”

While the couple strongly promote a definition of independence from their perspective – that includes the presence of an assistant and not solely the ability “to manage oneself” – they still have to deal with society’s misconceptions of their relationship.

“[People think] that we are not able to manage a household, be physically and financially independent, or not able to have or raise children,” said Faisal.

As for their marriage goals, Faisal and Cucu look towards helping their broader community as well. “Both of us want to own or start an art restaurant or cafe where people can come to not just eat but communicate, educate and advocate about an inclusive community.”

Mouthpainter shares story of love at first sight (Part 1)

This article was first published on AbleThrive

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For professional mouth painter Faisal Rusdi, 41, who was born with cerebral palsy, love at first sight isn’t simply a cliché.

Faisal first saw his wife, Cucu Saidah, on his first day at a special education school in Bandung, Indonesia. It was 1983, and back then there was a flag-raising ceremony every Monday. Cucu was standing just a few metres in front of him – she was leading the ceremony.

“In that moment, I knew I liked her immediately,” said Faisal. “Perhaps we could say it was love at first sight, at nine years old.” However, Faisal’s nine-year-old self was “shy, reserved and quiet.” Throughout the four years of elementary school, he never even greeted or spoke to her. Later, Cucu continued her secondary education at a mainstream school, while he remained at the same special school. They occasionally met each other at school reunions, where they had brief conversations. “I still felt the same as I did. I liked her, but I kept it to myself,” said Faisal.

To take his mind off her, Faisal threw himself into drawing and painting. In 2002 he was part of the Association of Mouth and Foot Painting Artists (AMFPA). The next year, Cucu returned from 10 months in Japan, where she had been following a leadership training on independent living. She began to apply this philosophical knowledge through events and workshops. Faisal found himself at one of these events, at the insistence of a friend and fellow painter.

‘Why, Faisal jealous ya?’

“I met Cucu after such a long time. I greeted her with a smile and at long last, we became friends,” said Faisal. Together with her friends, Cucu invited him to work in her organisation, the Bandung Independent Living Centre (BILiC). Faisal soon replaced Cucu as the head of the organisation as she had accepted a job in the US, although she soon returned in 2004 to BILiC as a consultant. As they continued working together, Cucu had no idea that Faisal’s feelings for her were growing stronger by the day.

One day in 2007, they were working late in the office – long after their colleagues had left. “As we worked, Cucu chatted with me and I don’t know why, but I told her that I had once dreamed of her walking with some guys that I knew. She replied jokingly, ‘Why, Faisal jealous ya?’”

“I was a bit scared. Slowly, I turned off my computer and told her everything,” said Faisal. Cucu was surprised, because he had been keeping his feelings from her for the past 24 years. “I made her promise to not get angry, to not make fun of me, or to tell our friends because I felt embarrassed.”

Confessing his feelings to Cucu was the easy part of their courtship. Faisal soon had to overcome many other obstacles before he could marry the woman for whom he had fallen at first sight – at nine years old.



Read more about what Faisal had to overcome to marry the love of his life in Part 2 next week!

Calling the shots in life with wheelchair basketball

This article was first posted on AbleThrive.

Singaporean para­athlete Emilio Choo, 34, came into contact with wheelchair basketball through something completely unrelated: learning how to drive a hand­controlled car.

During a driving lesson at Handicaps Welfare Association, the person in­charge of wheelchair basketball noticed that Emilio was still “young and mobile”, and told him he was suitable for the sport. He had always been a fan of team sports, playing soccer and basketball long before a spinal injury 14 years ago left him paralysed from the waist down. “A team complements each other. You can be good at something but no one is perfect. A team can cover your shortfalls,” he said.

But he didn’t think that he would be able to continue playing sports – or achieve anything significant – after his injury. “To be independent is a big enough accomplishment. For a year I even thought, that’s the end of it and I would be bedridden for life. But to be out here and doing something [at] the ASEAN Para Games [in December 2015]… I never thought I would be able to represent the nation in any way at all.”

Being active can mean different things for different people. For some, it can be a way to meet new people. For others, it’s a way to improve their health – both physically and mentally. For people with disabilities, sports can also serve as a way to empower themselves. Emilio thinks that trying a new sport encourages people with disabilities to get out of their physical and mental comfort zones.

“I know it’s tough initially – I went through it – there’s no need to rush. But I really think sports and interaction can help you overcome all challenges. Even if you have a family that’s encouraging and providing you with help, there’s nothing better than being independent. By coming out and meeting people in similar situations, you can gain the confidence to improve your life.”

Although Emilio went through a bout of depression after his injury, he feels his mental health improved greatly with the help of his teammates. “Hanging around with them helped me a lot because they went through the same things and had good advice for me. They also made me feel that there’s nothing wrong with being in a wheelchair. We joke about it, we say things like ‘why your hands so short’ and ‘jelly legs’. We laugh at each other. Those kind of things help you accept who you are.”

Since becoming a wheelchair athlete, Emilio has had his fair share of physical and psychological challenges. For example, he has had to shift his perceptions of fitness. While as an able­-bodied athlete, he was more concerned with stamina, his priorities now are his upper body strength and balance.

“In the past, I was tall. So it was easier for me to play basketball. I didn’t even need to jump, I just had to lift slightly and I was taller than everyone else. But now I have to learn to do things differently. For me, because of my disability I don’t have much balance on the chair. I have to learn to shoot from a wheelchair and to get my balance, [I have] to strap myself down.”

His favourite part of being on a team is being able to build on the strength of others and to know that he can always count on their support. Each player has a specific role to play to the best of their abilities, which enables them to support one another on and off the court.“At the ASEAN Para Games, even though I took most of the shots, I would not have been able to do so without my teammates. They gave me good positions, and gave me the ball to shoot.”

As for the value of sports in his life, Emilio counts “a fighting spirit” as the best dividend from investing himself in wheelchair basketball. “Even when the odds are down, don’t give up. Like life, you have to try and try. You cannot get things right from the start, so you have to practise to get the perfect shot.” Vulnerability in teamwork is another valuable lesson he has learned: “You need help in team sports, you cannot do it all on your own. You don’t have to.”

Emilio is predictably wistful about the importance of his team in his life. “My teammates, I have been playing with them for 13 years. They are [not only] my teammates, but also my mentors. They taught me a lot in life.” For him, basketball isn’t just an opportunity to regain physical, but also emotional strength. It has been a way to regain his independence and self­-confidence to call his own shots in life. “Someone told me this: you might miss a shot if you’re not good. But if you don’t even try to make a shot it will never even get in.”

If you’re a newcomer or beginner to wheelchair basketball, but curious and game for an aggressive sport and working as a team, contact us and we’ll put you in touch. (Don’t worry, you won’t be pressured into joining the team!)

“Be daring, don’t be afraid. If you keep trying, we’ll support each other.”

Check out this YouTube video of Emilio explaining why he loves wheelchair basketball, and watch him take a shot!

6 tips for wheelchair travel for paraplegics

This article was first published on AbleThrive.

Emilio Choo, Singaporean wheelchair basketball player and travel addict hopes to convince you to start planning for that place you’ve always wanted to go to.

1. Research.
Google search ‘disabled travel’ for tips in the city or country. “There’s a lot of advice out there. Many people have been there and done the travelling. No matter how gung ho you are, you need to do some research. Because there are places that you really cannot go at all. There’s no point in going there and you cannot do anything.”

2. Plan the basics.
It’s also worth picking a place to stay and deciding how you plan to move around at your destination. “Things I plan in advance are hotels and transport. If you sort these out before your trip, I think you can have an enjoyable time.”

3. Reconsider flying on a budget.
Though budget airlines often advertise tempting promotions, Emilio no longer travels with these because of the costs of wheelchair assistance. “If you need help, you need to pay for it. When they travel to places without an aerobridge, you’re expected to pay for the wheelchair lift, which is another S$200 [US$140]. If you add up all the costs, it’s more than a normal air ticket. It’s no longer cheap for me.”

4. Pack everything you need.
Emilio’s basic essentials include: maps, itineraries, spare inner tubes for his tires, tools and a Swiss army knife, in addition to daily essentials like medication and a catheter.

5. Try something new.
Emilio discovered the joys of planning his own itinerary when he started driving on his trips. “I didn’t know that there are wheelchair-accessible vans and hand-controlled cars for rental. If I had known earlier, I could have travelled to even more places.”

6. Ask for help.
“Once you’re out there, don’t be afraid to ask for help. People overseas are friendly and will help you. You’ll be fine.”

Emilio Choo pushes himself to see “how far this chair can bring me”

This article was first published on AbleThrive.

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The Singaporean wheelchair basketball player travels and partakes in spine-tingling extreme sports for fresh perspectives on life.

Skydiving in Byron Bay, Australia in 2013

 

Before his spinal injury 14 years ago, 34-year-old Emilio Choo didn’t even have a passport. During a self-imposed gap year before commencing his studies in Computer Engineering at Nanyang Technological University, he set off on a maiden trip to visit family in Australia. After that, he was hooked on the idea of learning about new places, about new people and perhaps most significantly, about how adaptable he could really be. Since then, the national wheelchair basketball player has been to countries both nearby like Hong Kong and Japan, and far away as Switzerland and Italy. With his confidence increasing with every enjoyable trip, he has also participated in spine-tingling activities like scuba diving in Tioman (2008) and skydiving in Byron Bay, Australia (2013).

His first trip to Sydney, Australia, opened his eyes to the new possibilities of life in a wheelchair. His sister, brother-in-law, and aunt brought him around to see Sydney. “I didn’t know what to expect. Luckily, it was convenient. A lot of places are accessible and I had family there to help me,” he said. The trip taught him some first valuable lessons about travelling in a wheelchair, such as always planning in advance.

When he was able-bodied, Emilio said he did not get to travel much because his family was not well off. He had only been to Taiwan and Brunei as part his national service exercises – and he obtained his spinal injury on the latter trip. Looking at his situation with a fresh perspective, Emilio decided that he would make the best of what he had.

Today he is hooked on travelling with his wife — his main travel partner. Their first trip together, an arranged tour of several European cities for their honeymoon, was a turning point for him. “You cannot expect them to provide you with a wheelchair accessible bus. So every time, I had to climb up and down the bus, step by step. That was challenging, but it made me more adaptable. And you know in Europe, a lot of buildings are old. There are many stairs and [the streets are paved with] cobblestones.”

“I had to slowly adjust and explore what I could do. That trip really made me realise that I could do more and travel much further than I had ever imagined.” Emilio counts the US as one of his favourite countries to visit. “I like their inclusiveness. They really see everyone as equal and they have a lot of wheelchair-accessible places.” A 2012 trip to Universal Studios Hollywood and Disneyland theme parks in California proved to be memorable because it was the first time he had ever been on a rollercoaster or other rides.

More recently, in 2015 he was also able to enjoy the rides in Universal Studios Singapore. Naturally, Emilio initially worried about the many things that could go wrong while he was away from the comforts of home. His worries translated into meticulous planning for every aspect of a trip, including the accessibility of the places he wanted to visit and the availability of accessible toilets. “But now I can go to any toilet, I just have to jump around and adjust my chair,” he said. “You cannot always find a wheelchair-accessible toilet so sometimes you just have to make do. Because these are some things you need to learn which will allow you to go to many more places.”

These days, Emilio and his wife do only some basic research before going somewhere. “We still do some planning but we are more adaptable. Sometimes we even say, let’s just go there and see how it goes. It’s more free and easy now.” Sometimes an upbeat attitude is enough. But sometimes change is needed at a bigger, societal level before travel for people with disabilities become the norm. For example, while budget airlines become increasingly popular with travellers, Emilio avoids these airlines because of the hidden costs of wheelchair assistance that negate the ‘budget’ aspect.

Nevertheless, there are many interesting options for disabled travellers today, like hand-controlled rental cars and accessible public transport. “Sometimes [taxis] are very expensive. So we drive instead. Many places today have hand-controlled cars for rental, which is convenient. In Australia, I took some buses and trains. In Taiwan and Hong Kong, we got around using the MRT.”

“Singapore is a convenient and accessible place, but I also want to experience how the disabled live in other places. Or how other people live their day-to-day lives.”

“I want to see how far this chair can bring me.”