Saturday, April 18, 2015

Breaking up with the good wife

I only went because I was craving a sense of Islamic community again.

It's been almost five years of a patchy but still lovely period of deep connections with other souls because we deeply shared something and not just a label: Muslim.

Things started out great and maybe because I was riding on a tidal wave of hope from the topic of your talk. I'm a first time mum; who wouldn't want to learn how to raise children who have love in their hearts for God too?

Why did you have to start on with terribly narrow minded ideas about the kinds of partners we can have? That it's totally okay to marry a woman for her wealth, family, beauty or deen. Pick the one with deen but no one would fault you, random man, if you just wanted to marry a pretty little thing. Or a rich little thing.

Why did you reduce us to our wombs, the only organ in the human body that shares a name with the Merciful? That a woman who cannot bear children must unequivocally unmarried because a man isn't allowed to marry her because the purpose of marriage is to produce children, full stop?

Why must women do it all: bear babies, nurse babies, wake up at night for their babies, wash their husband's clothes with the easy breezy washing machine and make sure she's perfumed and put together when he gets home? God forbid she ever complains about household chores because don't you know Fatima had to walk miles under the hot sun for water and scrub her husband's clothes by hand? Today's working mum can only have it all if she has a domestic worker who often has left her own children so she can earn a living taking care of yours. Is it only the superhuman women or the rich women that enter heaven?

You broke my heart. And so I won't be coming back anytime soon.

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