More strong words.

The strong word for today is jodoh. For more 'strong words', do read the previous post, if you haven't yet. To be honest, I think I'll be stepping on a lot of people's toes with this post, but I warn you now, so you can read the rest of the post with your eyes closed, heh.

Jodoh literally means 'mate' or 'partner' in Malay, but it carries connotations of 'the one' - the partner destined for you. Used as a normal verb it can simply mean to pair a man and women up, to matchmake, or to find the partner to something. Habis jodoh (end of partnership) is used when talking about divorce. But I'm just going to talk about using jodoh in the sense of a life partner in destiny decided by God.

The use of this word helps to plug any gossip around a marriage that does not fit society's strict idea of an ideal marriage: young man, young woman, never married before, similar age, similar cultural and economic backgrounds, and marrying for life.

For example, when a young lady marries a man much older than her, people may talk behind her back and constantly speculate about it. Why such an old man? Isn't he married before? This goes the same if one of the partners is divorced. Or if a man enters into a polygamous marriage. Lots of talk. Eventually someone comes along and says "Well, what can you do, it's already jodoh."

It does have a sense of fatalism, but also pragmatism. After all, what's done is already done. All you can do is make yourself feel better about it.

On the other hand, it's also used in exasperation when a woman finds herself single beyond a certain age, with many failed relationships. Others may say to her "Tuhan yang ketemukan jodoh" (It is God that sends you a life partner). If people want to postpone an early marriage, they may say "Kalau sudah jodoh, tak akan ke mana" (If it's already destined, your partner will not disappear).

The sense of destiny that jodoh carries with it is useful in many ways: stopping gossip, making one feel better about being single, and preventing rash actions like marrying soon after meeting someone.

There's probably more, but as far as I can remember, this is how jodoh has been used, with all its wonderfully multiple meanings.

My father's daughter.

My long name has been a topic for small talk, discussion and introduction into Singaporean Malay Muslim culture in the countries I've lived in and the people I meet. In the Singaporean Malay Muslim culture, you often find girls with the term "binti" in their name. This is derived from bint, the Arabic word for girl. Boys often have "bin", coming from the Arabic ibn. This is also equivalent to the "s/o" (son of) or "d/o" (daughter of) found in some Singaporean Indian names.

Add in the fact that most Muslim men in Singapore have 'Muhammad' as one of their first names, our names can get to be quite a mouthful. Haven't found an administrative form that can fit all the 33 characters of my full, official name (spaces included). But I digress...



The reasons that I've heard for this practice is to ensure that the father of a child is known to the child and everyone around him. Consequently, in terms of inheritance according to Islamic law, it would be proof of a child's right to his father's inheritance. Never you mind that putting a "binti" or "bin" isn't a standard practice around the Muslim world, but that's a different story.

So, why is it so special to us, what does it signify, and what does this practice possibly reproduce?

Putting a marker to indicate a man's relation to you is not new. Automatically giving the father's family name to a child is a practice found in most parts of the world. In this practice specifically though, calling someone the child of a man only gives the information that the child belongs to a certain man, as if he has more importance in the conception process. We hear this also for example when a girl aborts a child and the father of the child goes "How could you abort my child?!"

Polygamy also plays a role. A Muslim man is allowed up to four wives, but all the children's names will indicate that they are his. It's also a way to keep tabs on the 'morality' of a woman. If a mother has children whose names indicate different fathers, then one can know immediately the non-monogamous sexual history of this women.

At the same time, I'm not romanticising the use of family names, or the choice to indicate mothers in our names. I do like being identified as the child of either of my parents. In trying to remind my late grandmother who I was, I alternated between "Ni anak Jah" (this is Jah's child) or "Ni anak Taha".