tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918410539312651928.post7775997730538462913..comments2023-04-13T04:00:27.191-07:00Comments on musliminah: Malay-Muslim marriage customs.Musliminahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15086763636766699739noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918410539312651928.post-81509372958985974192011-08-07T07:57:22.687-07:002011-08-07T07:57:22.687-07:00Based on discussions with several Indonesian frien...Based on discussions with several Indonesian friends, it seems that our marriage seating arrangement is like how the Padang (but not most other parts of Indonesia) do it.<br /><br />Well, you can always have 4 female witnesses instead. Or 1 male and 2 female - that would balance things out - if you're not too hung up on segregation (another blog post altogether!).<br /><br />I like how we can always still make changes, within the limits - like how you choose the kind of hantaran instead of doing away with it altogether.<br /><br />Can't wait to not do this with my kids though. (:Musliminahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15086763636766699739noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918410539312651928.post-50128697264570513832011-08-07T03:50:08.683-07:002011-08-07T03:50:08.683-07:00And yes it's me, Zakiah! Hahah.. Anyway in dis...And yes it's me, Zakiah! Hahah.. Anyway in discussions with my sister about custom vs what is essentially needed for marriage to take place, my take is, while we might feel a little frustrated that we need to appease our parents now, it is fully within our rights and power to choose not to impose such cultural expectations on our own children in the future. There's hope yet to change such customs if there's more of us with the same mindset. Bulat air oleh pembuluh, bulat kata oleh muafakat. :)orange streakshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05165623705053568828noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918410539312651928.post-84693140794696014892011-08-07T03:25:24.610-07:002011-08-07T03:25:24.610-07:00In Indonesian dramas or sinetrons, the couple is a...In Indonesian dramas or sinetrons, the couple is almost always portrayed sitting beside each other, though it seems the contract dialogue is still said only by the groom. (I can just imagine my mom watching that and tsk-tsking about how these indonesians 'asal boleh', haha.) Perhaps it has something to do with it being a somewhat religious ceremony and since it involves the kadi who is a respected religious figure and other men as witnesses, so having the (usually) heavily made-up bride sitting right smack in the middle of these men makes it a bit... awkward? So having her seated away from the men is perhaps more a gesture of reverence (is that the right word to use?) towards the kadi than anything else. Anyway, i'm with you on the hantaran and lavish gifts. I'd rather do away with the hantaran altogether, but I still have to appease my mom. So now I'm trying to convince her that since I'm going to fully bear the cost of the walimah without taking a single cent from her, the hantaran money should be solely for me, for us, to keep for things like furniture and appliances for our future home. And i'm not ruling out my helping my fiance, on the side (or under the table), to come up with the total amount. As for the gifts, I'm insisting on only the traditional stuff that carry a nice significance and we're going to use anyway like sejadah, telekong, Quran and a set of baju Melayu. I don't see a need for other things like bags and shoes or laptop, or handphone, or designer toiletries as I can well-afford them myself anyway.orange streakshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05165623705053568828noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918410539312651928.post-14931410400007497592011-08-05T14:49:53.501-07:002011-08-05T14:49:53.501-07:00Nooj! We should do a comparative study.
Thanks fo...Nooj! We should do a comparative study.<br /><br />Thanks for sharing Amirul! I'm all for the customs that married couples do together. And praying together is one of the most wonderful things, in my opinion.<br /><br />Yup, you're right, it's because of how the scholars interpret the term 'lamastum' - to mean contact or touching of different natures. What you mention is the opinion of Maliki, and it makes sense to me lah, because it's not touching per se, but the consequences of that.<br /><br />And God knows best (:Musliminahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15086763636766699739noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918410539312651928.post-26103634454121313052011-08-05T05:28:19.878-07:002011-08-05T05:28:19.878-07:00By Islamic custom, there is a Sunnah prayer that t...By Islamic custom, there is a Sunnah prayer that the newly weds should perform. Upon their first prayer as a married couple, they will be able to experience what married couples do: they are a pair in Allah's eyes, and they will do everything in their lives as a pair. <br /><br />The 'kiss' to nullify ablution is a custom, but some scholars have mentioned that ablution between husband and wife is only nullified when touching one another causes arousal. <br /><br />Nice read, and all the above is more of sharing.Amirul Azamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08155056462290322494noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918410539312651928.post-47306381409399959892011-08-04T19:00:05.480-07:002011-08-04T19:00:05.480-07:00how timely! wanted to let you know that you're...how timely! wanted to let you know that you're not alone in your thoughts! just yesterday i was drawing up the wedding programme with my mum. the groom had more prayers to do, (about 45 minutes) while the bride turns up for about 5min (before that she sits in the dressing room), gets her wedding clothes, returns ASAP just in time for the thali to be tied around her neck (the hindu symbol of marriage). i was like HUH, that's it? really? my mum kept repeating that the bride would have more prayers after both were man and wife. my question was, how about as an individual? she couldn't understand my point, such is the socialisation, and the answer 'that's just how it is'.<br /><br />and i've realised that many things are simply passed down as accepted practices, with no thought to the social scenarios as to why they were done previously.<br /><br />xx<br />anujaxiaomei.https://www.blogger.com/profile/12308054477591300032noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918410539312651928.post-36615161810346415532011-08-04T06:46:00.605-07:002011-08-04T06:46:00.605-07:00Aisyah - let me know if you can figure something o...Aisyah - let me know if you can figure something out! Would be great to reinvent within limits.Musliminahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15086763636766699739noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918410539312651928.post-57466360095647077172011-08-04T06:34:49.945-07:002011-08-04T06:34:49.945-07:00Isty - I trust your lawyer's comments! :D Here...Isty - I trust your lawyer's comments! :D Here I'm merely pointing out that I find the spirit of marriage at ROM to be more Islamic in the sense that it appears mutual and balanced.<br /><br />When I wrote this post I also had in mind the situations of Muslims who live in countries where everyone is governed by the same i.e. civil law.<br /><br />You are right though, according to the Women's Charter Ch. 353 Muslims cannot marry at ROM, unless they declare themselves to be non-Muslim.(!)<br /><br />In the end, I place this as a matter of choice - that a couple should be able to choose to be governed under a law that makes divorce easier or more difficult, and that favours the wife or makes things more equal between husband and wife with regards to custody and assets.Musliminahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15086763636766699739noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918410539312651928.post-2839296307002109042011-08-04T06:21:31.845-07:002011-08-04T06:21:31.845-07:00Hmm it's not entirely true that the difference...Hmm it's not entirely true that the difference between marrying under the ROM and ROMM is only that of custom, with respect to the solemnisation ceremony. If you marry under the ROMM, you are governed by Muslim law (to the limited extent that it applies and is enforceable in Singapore). If you marry under the ROM, both you and your spouse are governed by civil law. There may also be an issue (yet untested) of whether the marriage of two Muslims under civil law is valid (there is a provision in the Women's Charter which seems to suggest that it may be void). The differences between Muslim law and civil law play out strongly if you ever decide to get divorced - Muslim law tends to favour the wife to a greater extent when it comes to determining custody and splitting the matrimonial assets.<br /><br />- istyIstyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04381554364687083563noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918410539312651928.post-30526969209453514252011-08-04T05:50:13.101-07:002011-08-04T05:50:13.101-07:00i kind of agree, i have had a friend that lamented...i kind of agree, i have had a friend that lamented sadly that she did not even get to hear what was going on because she was all hidden in the room. currently im working towards something less traditional but of course it has to be with the elder's approval =pHaYsIahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17882993274600983313noreply@blogger.com